She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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