id be glad to
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
