I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
