You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
