just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
