There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
