you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
