I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
