don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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