I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
