I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We need a shit load of segways right now
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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