you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
