i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
