Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
