Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
