I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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