Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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