Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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