You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
