We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
