woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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