his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
