friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
