i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
