that's an acceptable place to lick
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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