i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
