We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
