you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
