a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
A+ Viking dick
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
