im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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