you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
