just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
