Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
