that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
