filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
