his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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