it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
