you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
