Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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