saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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