I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
