you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
