Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
