You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
