I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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