I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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