Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
