i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You are the jesus of drinking
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
