well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
