It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
