Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
