I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
