The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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