True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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