ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Randomize
