dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The feeling are messing with the penis
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
